November 18, 2010

clear the air

when christian i got engaged, almost everyday i had somebody telling me:
you're crazy for getting married so young.
you guys didn't date long enough.
you are such a mormon stereotype.

the criticisms go on and on and on and on.
i never let it bother me because frankly,
there are more important things in life than what other people think about you.
and it didn't really matter what people told me, i was getting married and that wasn't going to change.
also, we had the support of our families and our closest friends, and that was all we needed.

i respect the opinions of those who found the need to share it,
and i can honestly say that having two sides to a situation is inevitable, and important.

since we've been married the criticisms have ended.
but for those of you who may not understand why i chose to get married so young or quickly,
i would like to share  few remarks just to get it out in the open and clear the air.

1. i had absolutely no intention of coming to byu to get married. i promised myself that i had to graduate from college, go on a mission, study abroad, be an intern, and save the world before i got married. i came to college with a boyfriend, and i had no plans of finding anyone to marry.

2. the decision to get married is an extremely personal and intimate decision between a couple. everyone has different circumstances and their is no "perfect" time for every couple to get married. it is strictly individual to each couple.

3. Yes, Christian and I only dated for four months before getting engaged. that is a very short time and i won't deny that. but from the very moment that we met, there was instant chemistry, and no games played whatsoever. he knew i liked him, and i knew he liked me. our relationship was easy and simple and pure. it was never something i doubted or disliked. every moment spent with him during our courtship was the best moment of my life. over and over and over again.

4. i don't feel like i made a rush decision. like i said before, every couple is different. some people take more time than others and it works for them. it was apparent that christian and i knew we wanted to get married, but the decision of when, was a long, thought-out, and extremely personal process. I prayed about it time and time and time again, pondered in the holiest of places, and never once had a bad feeling about the decision to marry my sweet sweet husband.

5. the date we chose (July 31), was the time that worked best for us. yes it was a quick courtship and engagement, but i am so glad. i had no doubt in my mind that i wanted to be with christian forever, and the more i thought about it, it seemed like i could not spend one more day without him as my husband. 

6. i'm not saying marriage is easy. nor did i ever think that it would be. marriage is hard work. it is a commitment and a covenant made between the couple and god that bound us together for eternity. we have to work together and both give 100 percent. we are not perfect, not even close. but i would not give this up for my life.

7. i have a lot of growing up and learning to do. we are constantly learning. whether we're 19 or 47 or 99. yes, i am so young and probably still naive and immature. but now, i have my best friend and husband to grow with me. to help me learn and grow into the person i want to be. because christian makes me better everyday, and i am really lucky to have him.

for those of you who may not have approved of my marriage or maybe just didn't understand, i sincerely hope this helps. i honestly do appreciate the opinions of everyone, and we all have different views about how one should live their life.
and if you still don't approve or understand, then i'm sorry. i hope you can figure out how to be tolerant and understanding of those who are different from you. i hope i didn't offend anyone by explaining my views on marriage, specifically the views on our marriage.


Cpingree said...

My dearest, darlingest Hales.
I am sorry that I have been a poor blog stalker the past few months, but I am glad that I hopped on to look at it today.
Yesterday I gave a speech to you and Christian (kind of like a remix of your wedding speech) for my public speaking class. Writing it made me remember all over again how grateful I am to have you as a sister. Thank you for making Chin happier than he has ever been. Amen to your post about marriage.
Your story produced lots of "awwws" and sighs in class yesterday! Good thing my teacher is a total romantic- I had a pretty poor presentation because I was talking way too fast- but she still gave me an A (pretty sure only because she loved hearing your romantic story).
Love you more than words can say and I hope I get to see you sometime this weekend before you guys leave for NY!!

Chantel and Jameson said...

Hi Hayley,
We have this very much in common. I came to BUYI with a boyfriend from Fairport that I had been daring for a year, and I told myself I wouldn't get married until I graduated and did a bunch of other things. Jay (my husband) and I met a week before I came to BYUI, and like you and your husband, there was no playing around. We instantly connected, and knew right then that it was meant be. We had many people who were against our decision to get married so soon, but like you said, it is such a personal and intimate thing between the couple. Thank you for posting this, it is nice to be able to relate to someone.

Caitlin (& Billy) said...

Hayley I totally agree with everything you said in this post! I feel like marriage is such a selfless act...and people think more selfishly and think they could never give up so many young years of your life to work on something greater. I had the same type of things happen. But it is such a great thing! And i've definately become a better person from getting married even just in these few short months, and I bet you have too :) You are great! Thanks for this post!

Teenage Bride said...

we had way to much criticism... but after being married for almost two years... no one can really say anything any more haha

Good for you for following you heart!

Sara said...

I just stumbled on to your blog and I am glad I did. Your post was beautiful- you're right. Your views on your marriage are certainly the most important ones. Every single couple will grow together through the years...i wish you and christian decades of happiness!