The Pingrees Take Paris

I've been putting off talking about our trip to Paris for weeks. I can't seem to find any words to describe our time there. It was such a special time and it hurts my heart to think about not being there. All I'll say is that exploring the city of love and lights with Chin, without knowing the language and only relying on each other without phones or internet and language barriers, was the best time of my life. 

Instead of doing multiple posts about our trip, I might save our stories for just Chin and me and my little travel journal. However, here are just a couple photos from our trip and a little video I made with footage from our trip. Enjoy!

Why This Year Was The Hardest of My Life

I've been debating whether or not to write this post for a long time.

But the title kind of says it all. This past year was incredibly difficult. I don't mean to sound whiny (though my tendencies lately may point that way), but I've been feeling so down on myself as a woman.

A year ago, I had no idea what my life would entail when it came to the arduous and long journey that is medical school. Starting out, you expect it to be difficult, but the thoughts of someday having a doctor husband and a comfortable lifestyle wins out and it becomes this exciting road and we were told over and over, "medical school is an adventure, it'll be the best time of your life." 

Okay can I say something about that statement? Medical school is definitely an adventure. But this year was not the best time of our lives. It was the hardest. When Christian and I got married, I was on board 100 percent with him going to medical school. The thought was exciting and I was so proud of Christian for pursuing his dreams and working so hard to make them a reality. But being young, I hadn't developed enough mentally or emotionally to make a mature and decisive path for myself. I got caught up in the one goal we had (career-wise) as a couple: get Christian to medical school. 

The longer we were married and the older I got (though I realize 22 is still quite young and I am still very immature), the more I questioned this path we're on and the more I began to envision the goals I had for myself. 

All of a sudden, there were things I wanted to do but instead, I was living in my sister's basement finishing my bachelor's degree in 3 1/2 years so Christian could be where he wanted to be. Though I love Christian and I want to support him in any way I can, this was not my idea of the life I had pictured for myself. 

When we were all settled back in Rochester after Christmas, I began looking for a job to help support us through medical school. And this is important to note: I wasn't looking for a job to help fulfill me as a young, professional woman, I was looking for a job because it was my duty as a wife to support my husband while he furthered his career and academic studies.

I was offered a job at a great company at the end of March, and even though it was a big girl, professional job with a reputable company, I did not feel right about it. After praying about it and contemplating my options, I decided to turn it down and keep looking for other jobs. At the time, Christian was drowning in school work, extensive church responsibilities, and other duties like his job as his class secretary and surgery interest groups. He was barely staying afloat and so I decided to take a part-time job while I kept looking for a job that I felt good about. However, after being pressured and pressured, I took the job that I knew was wrong for me.

My first day of work I remember walking into a bathroom stall at 4 p.m, and sobbed for a half hour because I couldn't believe the mess I had gotten into. It was my first day and I knew the job was totally wrong for me. For me, it wasn't about the money, it was about being fulfilled as a human being and contributing to society. I felt defeated.

I was at a job that I didn't feel invested in whatsoever, but too tired and busy to make an effort at home or in my relationships with Christian, my family, and friends.

I started to explore my options and figure out what I really wanted to be doing with my life at this moment and in the future. For a long time I had been toying with the idea of culinary school, but the expense didn't seem worth it and there are no culinary institutes or art institutes in our area that offer a full program. Our local community college, however, offers a culinary arts certificate program that is one year long. The tuition is extremely inexpensive and even though it's just a community college program, I could still learn skills that interest me, even if they don't further my career. 

Christian was really supportive of the idea and I decided to find out more and I even signed up for classes (hellllooooo "preparation of breads and cookie doughs!"). However, once again I was at a crossroads. People around me, including my family, could not believe that I would give up a perfectly suitable job to go to some community college to do something that wouldn't help me support Christian. How dare I do something so selfish? Right? 

This whole situation has broken me. As a woman I've felt that I'm simply supposed to follow suit behind my husband, no questions asked. It's completely acceptable and admirable for Christian to spend 12 years (school, residency, AF payback) training for his career, but when I try to take 1 year at age 22 to get more education in something I'm extremely passionate about, I'm selfish and unwilling to support my husband? I realize that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise, but I think both of those things should be shared equally by both partners in a relationship.

I don't mean to sound resentful, because Christian has tried really hard recently to help me follow my dreams and change this unfulfilled state that I'm in, but this year has been so hard. Sometimes I resent being a woman, and I hate saying that. I've always valued my femininity but WHY is there so much pressure on women to support, nurture, and submit? Is there no place in (Mormon) society for women to excel, succeed, and thrive in our passions and talents?

I know the answer to that question is yes, there is a place for women with big dreams in society. Long story short, I decided to leave the company that I'm at. Though I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to work there, I know it was just not the right fit for me. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do now. I've applied to some other jobs more in my field of expertise (communications, pr, and event management), and I'm also still signed up for the culinary arts program. We'll see what this fall brings.

You're probably concerned and think I'm some scorned feminist, but I promise I'm just someone who lost sight of their individuality and personal goals. I think it's expected that as a young, temple-married woman, my blog is supposed to be about the eternal bliss of marriage and how blessed I am to have a husband. But I would be lying if I said how easy this past year was and how incredible the first year of medical school was, and that's just not true. I feel like I should be honest, and sharing the good and bad bits of marriage is part of that.

And I am extremely blessed to have Christian. In the end, even though my personal struggles have really affected our marriage this year, we are still happy and happy to be married. I could not have gotten through this year without Christian and his efforts to try to support me as I figure out my mess that is my life at this moment. 

If I sound resentful of him, it's probably more my jealousy of him. I envied him for so long. Knowing his career path since he was young and having nothing stopping him from doing it. I'm trying to copy his example now, I'm just a few years behind.

I apologize for this (probably very whiny) rant (with no pictures even!) and am seriously impressed if you made it all the way through this.

So 22

I turned 22 yesterday. And ohhh what an age 22 is. I'd like to say it's the perfect age. You're still young and spry, but at the same time, you've passed that awkward bump that's 21 and are no longer considered "barely an adult." You have one whole year of adulthood under your belt and you've learned a thing or two since then. You're willing to take on more responsibility, and you're no longer "just another college girl." You're a functioning member of society with the ups and downs that comes along with that. So I'm happy to be 22. I liked being 21 too; the thrill of finally reaching adulthood and the sense of accomplishment that came with that, that was nice. But for me 21 was a growth period. I slumped and bumped along for half of that year, and then decided to make some changes to better myself. Now I'm 22 and the ball is rolling and I'm fresh and clean and it's just one more step in this progression. And I'm pretty happy about it. I won't be 22 forever, so I guess I'll enjoy it while I can.

 

Yesterday ended up being pretty low key. I've been on my sick death bed all week, so after a short (and pretty pathetic) attempt at picking up my exercise routine in the morning, I headed to Med School Wive's Club that my mother (usually it's just us med wives, but we were graced with the prescence of my mother, grandma, and a few family friends) offered to host for my birthday. I was blown away and honored that my mom went to so much trouble to make our luncheon special for me yesterday. She thought of basically everything and the table was a beautiful sea of pink and gold, my two favorite colors of all time. You're never too old for pink, right? She made, well, pretty much everything. You see it, name it, she made it. 

Homemade pom pom toppers on top of Wegmans cupcakes (I died).

 

I loved the little touches like the gold jungle animals (dollar toy stores she spray painted) and succulents for each girl, planted in a hand-painted tea cup.

(Photo below courtesy of Xan Craven)

My mother and I both share a love for decorating with Chinese takeout boxes, these were the perfect pink! I also loved the little Hors D'Oeuvres table!

My pictures, as always, don't do the table justice. I love the polka-dotted burlap runner my mother sewed, as well as the hand-dipped vase filled to the brim with Trader Joe's florals.

 

CUPCAKES.

  

 Chin and his buddies got out of class early yesterday, and since all their wives were over for the luncheon, they surprised us by popping in and studying at my parents' house for a few hours while we partied. Bless them.

So grateful for my friends and family (near and far) who made my day special. 'Specially love my Mama and the Wives Club (missing you Liz!), and Ali Kirk because I'm obsessed with her. 

My Grandma made it to the luncheon to give me kisses and tell embarrassing stories about me which I don't mind one bit. She's the best lady out there.

 

I took Lady to the vet for a checkup in the late afternoon, got a nap in (!), and then Chin and I went to dinner at Good Luck. I'd been wanting to try it for a while and we decided to go and were so happy about it. It's a Farm-to-Table restaurant where every thing they serve is made to scratch in house (so so fresh). They serve it to you family style, and slowly bring you out each course one at a time so you can enjoy everything on its own. Chin and I ended up sharing a Bibb Lettuce Salad with Pepperoncini Vinaigrette, the Good Luck Burger (a huge burger topped with McAdam cheddar, fresh slaw, and hand-cut fries), and chocolate cake with homemade ice cream. Our dinner ended up being 3 hours long, between long talks in between courses, lots of eating, and conversations with people around us. 

I'm grateful to Chin for getting me Lady as my birthday present this year, she's a gem (obvi since she's the CUTEST) and I love her to pieces. My birthday gift to myself? Losing 43 pounds and feeling so much healthier this birthday than last. You might not be able to tell a difference, but I think I look a lot different this birthday than last, and I'm pretty happy about it.

 

I'm like, SO 22 right now.

Home Stretch

All of a sudden November has come and gone, along with Thanksgiving and my sanity.

I think people are starting to get annoyed with me because every other thing I say is, "I can't believe it's almost December!"

Okay so duh it's almost December can I give it a rest already?

But seriously, I graduate from COLLEGE (what the) in 2 and 1/2 weeks and I can't wrap my head around it. Even though I never really checked into school (that's a lie, sort of), I found myself checking out of this semester back in October and now I can't believe that I'm actually still alive.

I'm pleasantly surprised with how quickly this semester has gone (catch me on a bad day and I'll say the exact opposite). Between traveling across the country four times and school and work, there have only been a few select moments where I've had time to sit and cry and pout about this frustrating and sometimes lonely situation I'm in. 

Can we talk about this end of semester thing for just one more second? I know that I'm not the only one graduating from college and that it's not that uncommon of a thing... But when does a person go from being an unruly, teenage, high school grad to a functioning, adult member of society? How am I supposed to go from a college student who takes naps in between classes to an adult with an 8-5 job and a credit card bill? I guess it's supposed to be a gradual transition and I'm sure looking back I'll see that it was, but I sometimes feel like life moves at warp-speed and it's all one huge adjustment from one phase to another. These past few years have been so routine-less that I'm starting to think that our mini life-routines are one big hoax. There's no such thing as staying the same.

And that just turned into one huge random rant of a paragraph and I'm done now so sorry about that. 

Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving day at home with Chin and my family. It was, of course and as always, the best week of my life being able to be with Christian and spend some quality time with him. It also happened to be unbelievably busy getting ready for the holidays and getting ready to move into our new place in December (!).

 

 

Can you blame me for not wanting to have to keep saying goodbye to this?

Weekend Bliss

I've been MIA recently because I haven't had a whole lot to write about. I figured instead of blogging about things that would probably bore you to tears (like my fall TV show list and how much time I spend looking for apartments online), I would just stay silent until something worth blogging about came along.

So here it goes, this weekend I took another trip to Rochester. It was the weekend from Heaven. The first few weeks from when I got back from Rochester the first time seemed to go by pretty quickly. I was busy enough that October got here earlier than expected, but the last two weeks have dragged on and this weekend couldn't seem to come soon enough.

I took a red eye Wednesday night so by the time I got to Rochester Thursday morning I was exhausted. But after a shower and a nap I was ready to go, and Christian got home early from school so we got to spend the afternoon together.

We did a lot of my favorite things this weekend. Living in Provo by myself, I haven't gone out and done a lot this semester (which has been admittedly hard for me), so not only was it amazing to be with Christian, but it was so fun to get out and do things together. 

The weather in Upstate New York is my favorite of all time currently. Chilly with a crisp breeze, and crunchy leaves under our feet. The leaves were just at the final moments of their fall transformation this weekend, right before they fall and leave the forests barren for Winter. 

Between the colors and breathtaking landscapes, I spent the whole weekend telling everyone, "I can't believe how pretty it is here!"

You would have thought that I had never been to the Northeast before- let alone lived there. 

Here are a few shots from one of the best weekends I can remember:

A shot from our walk around Mendon Ponds Park, a park close to my parents' home.

Thursday afternoon we went to Powers Farm Market, a small local produce store that I've been going to during the fall since I was a child. In the fall they have fresh apples, a pumpkin patch, a petting zoo, and man-made corn husk TeePees that they fill with lit jack-o-lanterns.

Chin and I spent the afternoon drinking hot cider and eating pumpkin donuts, exploring the TeePees, feeding the goats, and picking out the perfect pumpkin. In my definition, pure bliss. 

A few more shots from our walk in the park:

On Friday we went with my parents to one of my favorite eating spots in Rochester, Olive's Greek Taverna.
I've mentioned it a lot on here (like, it's a strange obsession), but I always find myself wanting to go here every time I visit. 
Their chicken gyros and Greek feta dill fries are incredible, and so fresh and light (as light as french fries can be). 
Post dinner we went to see Perks of Being a Wallflower. I haven't read the book so I'm not sure how it compares, but the movie was amazing. Funny, but touched on a lot of intense issues that don't often get portrayed in film.

My view from my parents' deck Saturday morning.

Saturday night we had some of Chin's friends from medical school over for dinner. I had met them once before but felt like I knew them already because Chin talks about them so much (and they lived up to all the hype- here's hoping I did too!). 

On Sunday, my flight left in the early afternoon. After church Chin and I took my pup Rusty on a walk around my parents' pond and the neighborhood. Rusty decided to be rebellious and run off and get himself in a little trouble, but we had so much fun chasing him around and keeping him out of his pond. 

Overall, it was an amazing weekend, and it was really REALLY hard to leave. Sometimes I wonder if it's wise for me to even visit at all, because every time I leave it gets harder and harder. But, it's so worth it to see Chin. 

P.S. Sorry for the picture overload, I'm trying to document our time together as much as possible this semester.

How was your weekend?