March 2, 2011

i think i cried for three hours

yesterday i met with my communications counselor to plan out my graduation schedule. a week and a half ago i was accepted into BYU's Public Relations Program, and i was so excited and so ready to plan out the rest of my education and get ready for what lies ahead.

Christian graduates next April (or maybe June now that they added the new June graduation date!), and my plan was to graduate August of 2012 (two months after chin) so we could be done and move to where ever Christian ends up going to medical school.
I had already planned out my schedule and I was confident that I would be able to graduate on time and that everything would be perfect. I got into the program and now all I had to do was finish it.
easier said than done right?
as i sat down with Rosemary (my counselor), I told her when I planned to graduate. she then proceeded to tell me that my plan was impossible.
because my program classes are taught in clusters, I have to take certain classes at a time, and I have to be in Provo (no independent study) to take my last and final capstone class which is only offered in the fall or winter semester.
long story short.
i have a long ways to go.
i can't graduate until December 2012.

i pleaded with her to find another way, and although she was very sweet and tried to help, i felt alone and misunderstood as i told her that i didn't want to live away from my husband for four months.

four whole months. who know how many states away from my husband. we spent our entire engagement apart and i wasn't expecting to ever have to live apart again.
i keep praying that somehow this will all work out and that it won't really happen and that maybe someone will understand and let me graduate early.
as i walked home, i decided to walk to Eliza's apartment and i fell into her arms sobbing at the sight of her.
i then proceeded to cry and cry and cry. and when i went home i cried and cried and cried.

it was an emotional day.
maybe things will work out. i really hope they do.
photo by patrick

have you ever read Natalie Merrillyn?
she lived without her husband for the first four months of their marriage while she was trying to finish college. an inspiration if i ever saw one.

"if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." -Woody Allen

6 comments:

Mandy said...

I am working as a PR director right now. Good for you for doing what you want to do! It would be hard to live apart, but you can do it. The first few months of med school are the hardest too I've heard. In fact, my friend TChelsey lives apart from her husband every summer when he does summer sales! She said they appreciate the rest of the year so much more. It might not make it better, but finishing school is so important. You can do it!

Shelby Clark said...

Hayley! First off... You have the best blog ever! :) I just thought you should know.

Second: Man, situations in life can sometimes be so stinking frustrating! But, Heavenly Father always has a way of working them out for our benefit. :) You and Christian will find a way.

Amber said...

That is so frustrating! I'm really sorry. I agree with the comment above. Sometimes it's hard to see what Heavenly Father wants us to learn in the hard, frustrating times. I'll be praying for you.

Natalie said...

Bless your heart, you are so sweet. Praying that this all works out for you -- living apart is hard, especially when you're married, but for us, it allowed Matt and I to grow together in ways we never even imagined! And honestly, I think it makes you appreciate your relationship so, so much.

Email me if you ever need any encouragement or anything, my heart hurts for you, but also know that the Lord gives you strength in the times when you most need it, you will never be given a situation that you absolutely cannot handle. Many thoughts and prayers heading your way!

Anonymous said...

Hi Hayley...love reading your blog! Just thought I would give you a positive comment about your dilemma. If you are apart for four months you will be ok! My husband deploys next week for 12 months and we are expecting our first baby. He is going to the most dangerous part of Afghanistan and I will only be able to hear from him once every two weeks. You should be grateful that you're husband won't be in harms way. You both are pursuing your education and will grow from that! Value the fact that you will be able to hear his voice whenever you would like and if you want to see him, you have the option. I am not dismissing your emotion, because any emotion is very real! Just putting it in a different prospective that may lift your spirits for you and your husband's situation :) Take care and God Bless!

Autumn said...

My husband and I were put into a similar situation...he could turn down an internship for two and a half months which means he would have the job he always wanted or I could defer my student teaching (dumb idea). We realized neither was really a great option for us and we ended up living separately for the first two and a half months of our marriage.

We survived it, but it was really awful. The married ward I moved into decided since I was moving shortly that they shouldn't be super friendly. No visiting teachers. No home teachers. I decided to live with some of my single friends which was probably the best decision I did make because it meant I wasn't alone (which you just have to call the housing office and then you're fine).

However, I feel like we are still getting over some of the emotional things of being separated during that time over two months later. You are more than welcome to shoot me an email and ask about some of the stuff we did to help or things we did. We read scriptures over the phone every night which really helped out a lot. mynameisautumn at gmail dot com